some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
