I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
