he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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