Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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