PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
