Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The adults are the big ones right?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
