Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
