you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
