He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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