i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
