For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
