I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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