He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
