Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
