I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
