I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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