That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
