I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
