Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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