I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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