do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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