who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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