Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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