you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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