so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
