i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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