I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
