You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
