Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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