Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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