She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
