I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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