Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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