Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
