he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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