I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
