I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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