Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
