You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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