we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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