Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also, beer. Big fan.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
