Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My vagina is very pro this idea
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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