I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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