sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
