Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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