I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
porn star boner night. come get it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
