someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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