apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
