So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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