Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
