omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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