This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
